Today is a
historic day—one that will bring joy to the hundreds of millions of Pluto
lovers around the globe. The International Astronomical Union (IAU), the body
that is responsible for naming and classifying objects in the cosmos, has just
announced that Pluto has been reclassified as a major planet. That’s right, the
little dwarf will be rejoining the ranks of Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars,
Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune, and Planet-X (the planet that will surely
spell doom for all humanity).
As many of
you know, in 2006, the IAU made their infamous vote, deciding to demote
everyone’s favorite planet to a “dwarf planet.”
Their reasoning
was that too many people would confuse Pluto (the doggy of Disney fame) with
Pluto (the planet, of space and stuff). Immediately after this 2006
announcement, the public exploded with outrage. There were a number of
campaigns launched that were aimed at ensuring that Pluto was reinstated as a
planet. These met with no success.
Pluto was
officially classified as a dwarf planet.
But all of
that just changed, After years of deliberation, the IAU announced in a press
release that they have reclassified the icy world—they upgraded Pluto back to
its proper standing as a planet. “We simply underestimated the public’s
attachment to Pluto.
We realized
our error shortly after the decision came down to demote it,” said Dr. Amy
Joggy, professor at the Institute of Planetary Studies and head of the IAU’s
Planetary Classification and Experimental Nomenclature Task Force. “We didn’t
think anyone would really care if a little clump of ice and rock on the
outskirts of the solar system was reclassified. Clearly, we dun messed up, and
that makes me super sad face. Today, we take steps to correct this most
grievous of errors.”
In addition
to Pluto’s reclassification, Dr. Joggy has also proposed that the IAU create a
new category of planet called a “hyper-planet.” These hyper-planets, according
to Dr. Joggy, are like regular planets but at least two times as awesome
(thanks to the fancy, fancy name).
It has also
been proposed that Pluto be made an honorary member of this new planetary
class. “In all honesty, we feel bad for the way we treated Pluto and, more
importantly, all those that cared about it so greatly- the public showed us our
error. Hopefully, the new class of planet will be created without a hitch, and
Pluto will be added as the first member. It’s only fair.”
Say it with
me now, “Yay!”
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